Life is bizarre. Bizarre and weird and bizarre and ... weird. Not so much life, but the concept of life and living. A while ago, when I first started my Psychology degree, I came across the mind-body debate, which discusses the theories around how our mind and body are related and intertwined, yet separate. At the time I didn't think that there was much to discuss, I didn't really see the need to, but today changed my life and changed my views on this topic. All I can say is bizarre.
I started my shift at the care center today and I heard that one of the residents was put on palliative care today morning... as the "death rattle" had set in (with all do respect, people's breathing starts to sound like darth vader, shortly before they pass away). Note, the energy in a room with someone on palliative care, is so thick and heavy and sad. It always hurts me to walk into a room with a dying person.
So, we usually changed his pad before dinner, so we went to do that and it was fine. His breathing was very scary. The knowledge that this is it, this is his final ... how many hours, days is freaky. Is he in pain? What is he thinking? Is he even able to think? Can he hear me? So we changed him and I said to him "don't worry dear we will come by and look after you in a little while". And so we left and we started preparing dinner, when I heard that he had passed away. All within 30 minutes. I mean, so quickly? You can't just die like that. So I was shocked and when my partner told me that WE (since this happened on our shift) needed to wash him and dress him for the funeral, I was like no WAY am I going to do that. But then, I felt that this was just something that I had to do and had to ... well just do, just because.
Just out of curiousity, are people who pass away always this hot? It felt like he had a fever. Anyhow, he had been lying there for a good 1 hr or so, so by the time we came in, he was still warm, but his hands and feet were already getting cold and stiffening slowly. I was secretly worried that he would wake up and scare me. But that never happened. Because his body was mostly warm still, the first few minutes were ok, since often residents don't move and are motionless when we change them, but then eventually it hit me that this was in fact just a body. It had belonged to "X" and it was his body. He defined himself through the means of his body and they were 1 .. or were they? I mean there was his body, yes. But where did "he" go? He can't just disappear like that. Everything non-physical that makes him, him ... went ... missing. Within seconds. Just like that. Without notice.
This started the whole mind-body thoughts and forced 1 important question into my thoughts: What on earth makes our mind and body work together the way it works together? Does the mind take advantage of what the body has to offer or vice versa? I don't know. As I said. All I can say is: bizarre. And why on earth does the chest rise on a dead body? Shouldn't it deflate?
Also, the thought that my dear friend Ralph who decided to pass away a few weeks ago looked as pale and as motionless as the person today just scares me. People shouldn't look like that. It's not good.
I desperately needed this blog post to order my thoughts. Thank you.
I started my shift at the care center today and I heard that one of the residents was put on palliative care today morning... as the "death rattle" had set in (with all do respect, people's breathing starts to sound like darth vader, shortly before they pass away). Note, the energy in a room with someone on palliative care, is so thick and heavy and sad. It always hurts me to walk into a room with a dying person.
So, we usually changed his pad before dinner, so we went to do that and it was fine. His breathing was very scary. The knowledge that this is it, this is his final ... how many hours, days is freaky. Is he in pain? What is he thinking? Is he even able to think? Can he hear me? So we changed him and I said to him "don't worry dear we will come by and look after you in a little while". And so we left and we started preparing dinner, when I heard that he had passed away. All within 30 minutes. I mean, so quickly? You can't just die like that. So I was shocked and when my partner told me that WE (since this happened on our shift) needed to wash him and dress him for the funeral, I was like no WAY am I going to do that. But then, I felt that this was just something that I had to do and had to ... well just do, just because.
Just out of curiousity, are people who pass away always this hot? It felt like he had a fever. Anyhow, he had been lying there for a good 1 hr or so, so by the time we came in, he was still warm, but his hands and feet were already getting cold and stiffening slowly. I was secretly worried that he would wake up and scare me. But that never happened. Because his body was mostly warm still, the first few minutes were ok, since often residents don't move and are motionless when we change them, but then eventually it hit me that this was in fact just a body. It had belonged to "X" and it was his body. He defined himself through the means of his body and they were 1 .. or were they? I mean there was his body, yes. But where did "he" go? He can't just disappear like that. Everything non-physical that makes him, him ... went ... missing. Within seconds. Just like that. Without notice.
This started the whole mind-body thoughts and forced 1 important question into my thoughts: What on earth makes our mind and body work together the way it works together? Does the mind take advantage of what the body has to offer or vice versa? I don't know. As I said. All I can say is: bizarre. And why on earth does the chest rise on a dead body? Shouldn't it deflate?
Also, the thought that my dear friend Ralph who decided to pass away a few weeks ago looked as pale and as motionless as the person today just scares me. People shouldn't look like that. It's not good.
I desperately needed this blog post to order my thoughts. Thank you.
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