May angels lead you in....

*sigh* ...

the hows and whys and whens? No, I would like to point out the things I didn't and will not get an answer for.


I still can't understand why you did what you did. I mean you said why, but can anything be this terrible to want to do this? ... I guess no use in asking the question, because you already answered it.

Since I didn't get the chance to say goodbye ... (only because I was too busy ... then again what are 5 minutes right?) ...

I was cleaning my room the other day and I found the list of things to do in New York and I wanted to chuck it out actually, but had this funny feeling and thought "hmm, might as well just keep it, who knows, it might just be of importance at some point". Now all of a sudden, this note seems so valuable and I am so happy that I didn't chuck it. I mean I was going to follow your advise and visit the places on your list anyway, but somehow it is all so much more meaningful now.

This incident painfully reminds me how much we take things for granted, also something which the mother very intently pointed out at the funeral, people take things for granted at every step of the way. It's quite interesting, because for one, if we openly appreciate every gesture, which at some point I did and said thank you for everything, people say "oh why are you saying thank you all the time, stop thanking me!" People feel funny when you appreciate??? Which I guess is also reflected in the lifestyle we live. The expectations that "the world" brings along, demand us to be cold, ignorant and take things for granted otherwise we won't have time to focus on work and succeed.

... (back to my list) you asked me to tell you how I enjoyed New York once I was back and post heaps of pictures online ??? I will definitely do so. That will be my attempt at restoring my inner peace, if that is even possible.

I was telling my friend the other day how guilty I felt about me not having taken the time off to meet you and have a chat right? Her reponse was:

"We cannot think like that, then all we do has to be analyzed and we would drive each other crazy. Focus on all the other times you did say goodbye, and that you took the time to go to his funeral even in this hectic period"

I will leave it at that dear Lawrance. I hope you were in not much pain. I do wonder what your last words and thoughts were. Anyhow, thank you Lawrance for everything.


But I guess, thank you most for making me smile (*hihi* random pink headphones and weird glasses?). R.I.P. Lawrance! Until we meet again. Farewell!

[Tune]
Jimmy Eat World: May Angels Lead You In